Women are led to believe they must do it all and well. That if you drop the ball in any area you’re a failure. You are expected to juggle all of your hats with a smile on your face. Heaven forbid you get emotional about something then you’re labeled a crazy bitch. Hide all of the parts that are sad or broken. Hide your pregnancy until a predetermined week of gestation incase you have a miscarriage. (I mean that loss could make people uncomfortable and it’s our responsibility to not induce discomfort ). Hide your destain for that male boss who’s hitting on you, because let’s not make waves. Hide your marriage struggles and infertility. I could go on to list so many more things. Why are we taught to play nice and hide our shit? Why are there so many rules to being a women? Women are emotional beings. A complicated mesh of feelings and instincts. We have an intuition that when listened to is incredibly insightful. We are amazing creatures who can handle a long list of tasks with a baby on our hip. We can grow a human being for fucks sake. We somehow manage to do it all. Until we don’t…somedays the laundry doesn’t make it to the dryer and it needs rewashed. Somedays the kitchen is a wreck and the dishwasher is never unloaded. In the days of babies and toddlers my house looked like a tornado had just pushed its way through the entire house. We don’t have to be perfect. We get to have fuck it days. Days when shit just doesn’t get done. Maybe you have something else to do, maybe you just want a pedicure or to read that book you bought a month ago. Maybe you have no children but work all the time and just want to come home and binge Handmaid Tales. Here’s the thing, you don’t need a reason. Stop apologizing for making decisions that are best for YOU! You don’t owe anyone an explanation on living your life your way. Have kids, or don’t have kids. Be a working mom or a SAHM. Announce your pregnancy at 4 weeks or 5 months. Do you!! Stop living up to a preconceived notion that someone decided somewhere along the way was what women are supposed to be or do. Just do you and fuck anyone trying to stop you! This is what I hope my daughter will always know.
I want you to learn to live life your way and know that perfection isn’t real. I want you to know that you don’t need to try to fit in a mold of what other people expect you to be. You get to make that mold yourself and anyone who puts you down or tries to change you is someone to unapologetically say “Buh-Bye” to. I want to wipe the proverbial expectation chart clean and say here, this is your story to write. You get to write the narrative of your life and no one else. You don’t have to get married or have kids. Who you’re going to love is your choice regardless of their gender or race. You don’t have to hide anything, ever! If you speaking your truth makes anyone uncomfortable then that’s their problem. You get to decide all of the things. You get to decide what clothes you feel good in and what weight you feel most comfortable. You are in charge of you. You need to learn to love yourself most. If you can master that lesson everything else will fall into place. When you love yourself you attract the right people and things. I need you to know that perfection isn’t real, and not to ever strive for that unicorn bullshit. Be messy and take risks. Learn from your mistakes and forgive yourself when you make them. Most of all know that I will always have your back and support you in all the stories you write along the way. You are a woman and women are fucking bad-asses!