The people who have hurt you. The ones being unkind, are only projecting something from inside of THEM. There are some people that no matter how much you try, will never change. People who are not happy with themselves or their own lives are usually not very nice to other people. It’s a good indicator of a person who is hurting. This doesn’t excuse shitty behavior. You have choices though. If you don’t like who someone is or what they are doing you can change the roll they play in your life. You can choose to not get caught up in evening out a score that most likely only leaves you suffering.
I’ve been on both sides of this scenario. I’ve been the person being unkind, saying the mean words, projecting my insecurities and trauma on everything that triggered me. Which when looking back was a lot of freaking triggers. I was a very unhappy person then. I was a very insecure women, using an I don’t care attitude to mask it all. I was hurting and unaware of it. That’s not excuse, it’s a fact. I was broken, and at times mean. I’m sad for that version of me, I want to give her a hug and tell her it’s ok to let people in. It wouldn’t have mattered though, I wasn’t ready to hear that. I wasn’t ready to face where the pain was coming from. That version of myself still tries to pop up when I’m feeling threatened. I can feel this anger in me ready to pounce. “How dare they…” I’ve gotten so much better at letting shit go. I have The Four Agreements to thank for that. Learning to not take anything personal was a huge shift for me.
I’ve been on the other side too, the one that feels bad. I’ve been called every name in the book. I’ve had friends backstab me. I’ve had boyfriends cheat on me. I’ve had many instances where people have said or done awful things. We all experience it. No one goes unscathed.
So you see, we all are on one side or the other depending on where we are in life. Every single one of us has been the giver and receiver of hurtful words. We’ve all projected something at some point. All of us…
Why am I telling you this? To show you that we all project and at times have not been very nice. We all at some point have been the one that is saying the hurtful words. We all allow our insecurities to get the best of us, and usually that comes at someone else’s expense. Does this make it right or fair? No, it makes us humans!
My point is not to defend people being assholes. The hope is that we evolve to a point where we start healing ourselves and improve the way we react in those moments we get triggered. For most people it happens, but the timeline for it differs. Some people will never do a single bit to help themselves, and will never change. Those people can’t be argued with. To stay enraged, feel slighted, and hope for revenge only steals your time and energy.
Wish them well…..wish them healing. Cut them out if you have to, but hope they’ll heal the parts of them making them who they are. The energy you put out is what cycles back to you. If you spend each day thinking, plotting, and giving energy to the hope of someone’s sadness, misfortune, or revenge then that energy will make its way back to you. I can promise you it will. I’ve lived that cycle and it’s exhausting. Cut cords, get angry and feel your feeling, then wash your hands of it.
Wish them well, because one day you might be the one who needs it. Don’t waste a single moment on someone hurting so bad that hurting you feels good. Wish them well, wish them healing.